The loneliness

I knew that I’d be back again to my refuge unburdening this feeling that I bring in my heart now. For a long time I could handle the fact of being single, lovingly forlorn…I like to remember that there was a very special time for me after I have found out about what I really wanted to me; there was a very special person who in the same way that came into my life, left me without any explanation, just left me a huge nostalgic feeling of someone who loved me the way I’m for first time in my life and made me feel the same thing, made me believe in my dreams but this unfair life took it from me forever… After this experience I have never found someone who could see in me the glow of love. Everyone around me keep living and carring on with their lives and I think I’m on the way of doing the same at least on the subject of my academic and professional life( hahahaha) but I don’t know what’s happening to me that makes me feel so in need of someone by my side. I’ m not the kind of person who just wants someone to hangout a couple of times, I’m the kind of person who wants to find the true love and feel fulfilled at all… Yes, this is exactly what you thought! I wanna date seriously someone! (Is it so old-fashioned for the current time?)

How could it be so difficult? Where is that romanticism that our grandparents used to have? I miss the conquest of love and all the way that tracks for achieving it! I wish I could find the one who understand my way and make me learn with our relationship. I wish I had that someone to look into the eyes and see the respect, affection, admiration with just a glance!

The worst’s I always find myself expecting, waiting, dreaming about someone that I might never find but even though I still believe in this possibility. A big problem that I have in these occasions is the lack of self-confidence! Usually the person I’m dealing with, in my opinion, is prettier and cleverer than me and that makes me lose my confidence, my shine. People tell me that I completely wrong but this point is not about what they think of me but what I think about myself!  I have qualities, I’m aware of it. Maybe what is necessary is enhancing each one of these qualities and trying to make people see it more clearly on me…There are still many things that need to be changed in me… things about my appearance which are fixable but takes a little time to get better.

 I wonder if I’m already able to find the one who really makes my legs shake and my heart beat faster and on the other hand feels the same of me. The one who will accept and like me the way I’m physically and spiritually. What I can do is cross my fingers, try not to be so anxious about it and try to cope with my loneliness because my turn will come soon! =}